the reality and the other

whenever I look at photos of models, celebrities, anything.
Like anyone that is not me, I think.. 'maybe I can pull that off'
and that happened to me after looking at this photo by Mara Zampariolo
....
I cut my bangs..
myself..
and then I realized
my face isn't as small as Lilah Parsons..
and..
I don't have as much hair..
and..
I don't have that long hair..
DAMN.

I just have to wait until it grows back.
hahahahahahahahaha

_

A collaboration work I did won the first place prize.
I don't know whether I'm happy about it.
I am second guessing myself for studying art.
I am wondering if I did choose the right path.
I am still looking around for a right style
style is a bad word..
but I have my doubts on which way to draw.
It's hard
It's very hard.

A professor told me I drew like another illustrator
that I could earn some money doing the superficial work that everyone does
that I could be doing work out there in the world.
But that I am only doing it because I don't think about it
but rather just vomit it out to get it done.

Is everyone having a hard time deciding what's right for them?
Am I the only one thinking about this?

Ruby Frost and Mt. Eden - Oh That I Had

Writing my article listening to this song.
Oh yeah.. I am a bit tipsy
and I like the feel of it.
Happy birthday to me
I liked the feeling of not celebrating it today
it was nice.
it was like any other day.

I feel a bit happy because of it.