procrastination to the maximum

I have to finish my thesis sketches, start tattooing, and reading.
but now I feel like going to Grand Central Market to buy some stuff when I had already decided to go on a diet.
I make no fucking sense,
whatever.

dudum

it has been a great year in this apartment.

terrible memories, good memories.

It doesn't matter cuz I'll be taking only the good ones

and move forward. Ahh it's quite hard to say goodbye to this place

Moving tomorrow, and packing is hard

damn how I wish I had ten bodies times like these.

게을러졌다

I was reading Inside the Business of Illustration for a few hours

내가 고등학교때 갖고있던 그 욕망이랄까

I've lost it - 

일러스트레이션을 공부하고싶다는 목표도 흐려진채 옛날같이 매일 그림도 안그린다. 

매일 컴퓨터만 붙잡고 SNS만 한다. 자기전에 읽던 그 책들도, 지금은 아이폰이 되어버렸다. Facebook, twitter, cyworld, and even freshdirect. 

I couldn't find my own passion inside me any more.

I noticed I wasn't trying hard enough and I was getting lazier and lazier 

I've spent the whole day doing nothing just looking at the monitor for at least 9 hours.

What have I done,

What have I lost,

and what should I recover?

나에겐 주어진 시간이 얼마 없는데.

My life as a student is barely 2 more years

but I haven't done anything useful

useful enough to put up a portfolio nor to write it down in my resume.

All I have is a name and a birthday.

I don't have the luxury to be doing this anymore

but I'm lost.

I don't know where to begin with

I don't know what I should do to get better

I just know that I see myself as an illustrator in 5 years

but I don't know whether I'll survive in the market

nor whether I will be living in New York

I want to live in Brooklyn, have a studio shared with my friends,

have a drink or two in the weekends if time allows

and work DRAW PAINT 

It's my only joy

but why WHY the fuck have I lost it.